The unabashed author in a rare moment of concern for people's feelings, would like to start the post with a disclaimer that the following is a sarcastic take on the vox populi and is not directed against any particular individual.
1) Listen to the marketing gospel. Consumers' affection towards their near and dear ones is directly proportional to the number and value of gifts presented by the former them to the latter them ensuing in purchase of exotic items which may or may not have any practical use except of course for that most-critical, all-encompassing phenomenon called social acceptance.
2) Master the pose. It is most important survival skill in this big, bad world of cameras, which keep getting deadlier by the day. Photographs also known as pictures or shots or snaps can institute or destroy one's image. And then there is that wild monster called the selfie. The brave warriors who embrace it wholeheartedly are the selfless guardians of the planet and the true upholders of humanity.
3) Upgrade like there is no tomorrow. Because frankly there isn't. How can you settle for a 37,563p resolution in your TV when the 38,291p model is out in the market? How can you even look at yourself in the mirror when your mate at the gym drives a sleeker car? How can you sleep at night knowing that your tablet weighs a couple of milligrams more than a bird's feather? You are what you own, aren't you?
4) One needs to know things on the lines of the most fashionable lounges to hang around with the most happening crowd, best places to try the latest foreign cuisine doing the rounds, fanciest holiday destinations with the highest brag value and maximum photo opportunities et al. If not you might as well lock yourself up in the house and live like the social outcast that you are.
5) The mobile phone needs to be venerated with an unwavering dedication and a staunch attention, as it were just a glorious extension of the hand with a mind of its own. Any and every human in the vicinity needs to be treated with the disdain a speck of dust in an inexhaustible universe deserves. After all the bloke opposite to you is but a tiny fragment in the fascinating cosmos, which is your holy phone.
6) Life, in the true sense of the word is what one experiences on the weekend. The other days are just fillers spent reminiscing about that splendid getaway with those fun friends to other friends who also had a splendid getaway themselves with another set of fun friends last weekend. And then there is the endless planning and endless discussions for that house party this coming Sunday where all those fun friends will feature.
7) You are in a race. An arms race. You need to acquire as many things as you possibly can. The wardrobe is never complete. It is just a blackhole which needs to be replenished as much as possible, as frequently as possible. And then there are gadgets. And their accessories. And the multitude of things that are needed for them to sync and connect and share and enhance and integrate. And their accessories.
8) Futile information is the highest form of wealth. Cram yourself up with all sorts of facts and factoids which can be fed to unsuspecting friends and family members and make you come across as the brightest light in the chandelier of your social circle. Like the horoscope of the week for Capricorns or the number of calories you burn by batting your eyelids 20 times in a minute.
9) Get your priorities right, mate! Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Latest-Media-Sharing-Platform, Quirky-Fun-Addictive-App, Some-Random-Useless-Utility, Food, Water, Sleep...... in that order. Don't listen to those schizophrenics who claim that there is a world outside the seductive maze of online applications and social media overload. There isn't. And even if there is, it isn't worth it.
10) Manufacture your interests based on what is perceived as chic and hip. Your choice in books and music and movies is to be influenced by what makes you come across as the cool cat that you are. After all what sort of weirdos pursue hobbies out of genuine personal interest? So get that swanky electric guitar or that revolutionary DSLR which will give an interesting edge to your already razer sharp personality.
What are you doing reading this trash? You need to get that fabulous dress for that unmatchable deal on that slick fashion e-commerce portal to wear it for that adorable selfie which when posted on that omnipresent social networking platform would garner that much sought after currency in the form of likes and followers, which if everyone around you is to be believed is worth a lot and then a lot more. What are you waiting for? Chop Chop...
1) Listen to the marketing gospel. Consumers' affection towards their near and dear ones is directly proportional to the number and value of gifts presented by the former them to the latter them ensuing in purchase of exotic items which may or may not have any practical use except of course for that most-critical, all-encompassing phenomenon called social acceptance.
2) Master the pose. It is most important survival skill in this big, bad world of cameras, which keep getting deadlier by the day. Photographs also known as pictures or shots or snaps can institute or destroy one's image. And then there is that wild monster called the selfie. The brave warriors who embrace it wholeheartedly are the selfless guardians of the planet and the true upholders of humanity.
3) Upgrade like there is no tomorrow. Because frankly there isn't. How can you settle for a 37,563p resolution in your TV when the 38,291p model is out in the market? How can you even look at yourself in the mirror when your mate at the gym drives a sleeker car? How can you sleep at night knowing that your tablet weighs a couple of milligrams more than a bird's feather? You are what you own, aren't you?
4) One needs to know things on the lines of the most fashionable lounges to hang around with the most happening crowd, best places to try the latest foreign cuisine doing the rounds, fanciest holiday destinations with the highest brag value and maximum photo opportunities et al. If not you might as well lock yourself up in the house and live like the social outcast that you are.
5) The mobile phone needs to be venerated with an unwavering dedication and a staunch attention, as it were just a glorious extension of the hand with a mind of its own. Any and every human in the vicinity needs to be treated with the disdain a speck of dust in an inexhaustible universe deserves. After all the bloke opposite to you is but a tiny fragment in the fascinating cosmos, which is your holy phone.
6) Life, in the true sense of the word is what one experiences on the weekend. The other days are just fillers spent reminiscing about that splendid getaway with those fun friends to other friends who also had a splendid getaway themselves with another set of fun friends last weekend. And then there is the endless planning and endless discussions for that house party this coming Sunday where all those fun friends will feature.
7) You are in a race. An arms race. You need to acquire as many things as you possibly can. The wardrobe is never complete. It is just a blackhole which needs to be replenished as much as possible, as frequently as possible. And then there are gadgets. And their accessories. And the multitude of things that are needed for them to sync and connect and share and enhance and integrate. And their accessories.
8) Futile information is the highest form of wealth. Cram yourself up with all sorts of facts and factoids which can be fed to unsuspecting friends and family members and make you come across as the brightest light in the chandelier of your social circle. Like the horoscope of the week for Capricorns or the number of calories you burn by batting your eyelids 20 times in a minute.
9) Get your priorities right, mate! Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Latest-Media-Sharing-Platform, Quirky-Fun-Addictive-App, Some-Random-Useless-Utility, Food, Water, Sleep...... in that order. Don't listen to those schizophrenics who claim that there is a world outside the seductive maze of online applications and social media overload. There isn't. And even if there is, it isn't worth it.
10) Manufacture your interests based on what is perceived as chic and hip. Your choice in books and music and movies is to be influenced by what makes you come across as the cool cat that you are. After all what sort of weirdos pursue hobbies out of genuine personal interest? So get that swanky electric guitar or that revolutionary DSLR which will give an interesting edge to your already razer sharp personality.
What are you doing reading this trash? You need to get that fabulous dress for that unmatchable deal on that slick fashion e-commerce portal to wear it for that adorable selfie which when posted on that omnipresent social networking platform would garner that much sought after currency in the form of likes and followers, which if everyone around you is to be believed is worth a lot and then a lot more. What are you waiting for? Chop Chop...
