'Pan Chod'

Another post.

I spend most of my days here(London) eating and sleeping and chilling. And all this lazying around is making me feel useless. So just to feel better about myself, I was wondering as to what I have learned so far during my 'soporific sojourn' in London. I genuinely have no clue as to what 'soporific sojourn' means. All I know is that it can be used in this contest. I am trying hard as hell trying to remember where I came across this, but I can't. 

Serious introspection has revealed a number of learnings which I sincerely believe are of utmost utility and would serve me well for the rest of my life. So I present the 8 most useful learnings below. (8? Why not 5 or 10? That's exactly why.) 

1) I have become quite an expert in scrapping off grime of utencils using a butter knife. I actually pride myself in this.

2) I have mastered the art of sleeping in the bathing tub. Trust me. It is really tough. A lot of hard work went into it and my persistence finally paid off.

3) I now know that one 'takes' and doesn't 'give' a test, thanks to Colonel Raaj. Although I still keep using 'giving' instead of 'taking', I now know that I am wrong.

4) My level of culinary skills has increased by the factor of infinity. (0.76/0=infinity ; 0.76 on a scale of 100). Burned, inedible, scrambled eggs is my speciality. It is commonly accepted in the 'Maison de la Maut'(that's what Chadha likes to call our 'House of the Dead') that I am the best cook in the house.

5) I am more socially clumsy that I ever was. I have managed to blurt out 'I am good' before the other person enquired about my well being, every single time I was introduced to someone.

6) I can now walk like a normal human being.  Having walked alongside my brother over the years(who walks as if his pants were on fire), I tend to hurry. But that has been rectified.

7) I can now swear 'Behen Chod' in a way which would make even someone like Vinod (I mean, Veenudh) seem like an amateur. I am still working on my 'Pan Chod' though.   

8) And I now know that LUCK is a slut. 

I am still waiting for some stupid suggestions on topics to write about from you guys. And I would let anyone who is interested, to write the next post on my blog. Confirm your willingness in the comments section of this one.

Another thing. I just can't resist myself from saying that we(Deccan Chargers) are the champions and all the other teams in the IPL kind of suck donkey balls. 

One last thing. I believe this is the last post for this month. The first post in June will see the return of ................. So anyone wanting to write the next post have the extra incentive of being graced by .................

tA Da, not tA dA!

Fuckin slut...

Life is a bitch. Sunday was arguably the saddest day of my life. Most days in my life are quite sad but this one has to be the saddest and it was sad in a sad sort of way. Usually I am sad and angry, but this time I was sad and sad. I didn't get to watch the game between Juventus and Atalanta LIVE because of a stadium ban. I stood outside the Stadio Olympico Torino like a helpless, little girl with a sorry expression on my face. Luck, which was always turned on my side, turned out to be a traitor. Fuckin slut...

Anyways, enough of the gay shit. I have other things to talk about as well. I would be revisiting my poential Nobel-prize winning work: the 'Figin' Index in this post. The pigeons in Italy are fairly fat and well fed and of course lazy. But there are noticeable variations of characteristics among the pigeons in different places in Italy. The ones in these places, Santa Margerita and Portofino (Santa Margerita and Portofino;these places are as exotic as they sound) were the fattest I've ever seen. They didn't give a damn about most things in life. 

Check out the following video for evidence:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=80452484614&ref=nf

The fat bitch moved around at its own sweet pace with me right behind it. It almost even refused to acknowledge my very presence. I present another dimension here to the index. The fatness of the pigeons in a place is directly proportional to the joblessness of people in that area. Jobless people do things like feeding pigeons. The places I talked about are holiday destinations where people come to 'chill'. They laze around at the seaside, walk about and feed the pigeons. 

The pigeons in Turin and Rome were slightly more active, but still extremely lazy. They are comparable to those in London.

Another random thing. I learned that Rome was built by someone named Romulus or something like that who grew up sucking the tits of a female wolf. To quote Cartman, 'The fuck. Come on. I mean, seriously, the fuck'. 

I never got to watch Lara LIVE. I will never get to watch Nedved LIVE as well. Sigh!

!@#$%^&*()

I haven't posted for the past couple of weeks since I intended to play on the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' syndrome (made up that shit). I am sure all of you have been having sleepless nights, wondering as to why I have not been posting for so long now. Its ok. You can talk about your traumatic experiences in the comments to this post.

I haven't got the slightest clue about what to write in this post. That's the case with all my earlier posts as well. I suppose it is the story of my life. Am I admitting weakness? I will be one of those 

irritatingly, optimistic (read phony) pansies here and say that I like to live life as it comes. I am a happy-go-lucky person. Heheheh. I crack myself up.

Anyway, I think there needs to be some direction to this stupid blog of mine. I just can't keep writing mindless, random garbage all the time. So, if any of you is hopeless enough to suggest something, go wild. I will hate you for the rest of my life if you recommend writing about places or trips or MBA or any other lousy stuff like that. Although there is a good chance that I might talk about my trip to Italy in my next post. Before you come to any judgement about me, listen me out. Or should I say, read me out. 'Read me out'? What the fuck is 'read me out' supposed to mean? I have no clue, but I suppose you get the idea. 

I would only write about my love, Juventus FC and their game against Atalanta. Not my minute by minute recordings of the entire trip. Wait a minute. People write about places and hobbies and their lame lives. They probably do so because they are passionate about it. Just as I am passionate about football and plan to write about it in my next post. Does this stink of hypocrisy?And what makes ME different from them?  

For one, football is not gay unlike most other things. And secondly, the post would only be for a couple of friends who are ardent Juventus fans as well and would actually be interested. And thirdly this is a one-off thing. 

Why the fuck am I justifying myself? Isn't this my blog and can't I write any trash that takes my fancy? I guess so, but then I wouldn't want to come across as a phony. To quote my idol Eric Cartman (and slightly modify it for appropriateness): "I hate phonies. I wanna kick em in the nuts."

Why is this post titled, '!@#$%^&*()'? Good question!