At long last!

This post is by the guest.

To give a brief introduction, the guest blogger is a certain Monsieur Louis Costamagna. He is a thinker.[Always has a profound expression on his face. I suspect that he does that intentionally to trick people into believing that he is wise]. He also considers himself to be a 'global leader'. [Has taken the lectures of 'Leading Globally' back in MDI a little too seriously]. Louis is also the authority in the profane usage of the Hindi language. [I totally envy him for that].

To know more about Louis Cos*whatever* [and I thought I had a terribly difficult surname!], you can visit the following link:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=527362798

Below is the post:

Laziness (no other word came in my mind)

I have to admit that I accepted to write this “guest post” because my friend Madhu lost his brilliance for sure. I have never seen a lamest thing such as writing a blog. But this is not the topic of today. I am here writing about my Indian friends in a European context.

First I have to apologise because I am late. But important people do not lose their precious time to write in a lousy blog, do they? However as I promised to be able to say stupid things about my Indian friends in Europe, and the way they live, I am doing so.

What is quite funny about this blog is the expression “Anyway, Whatever” because I think that it describes quite accurately the behaviour of some of our Indian friends. They do not really care as long as you do not bother them too much.

Indeed for European people like I am (even though I like to consider myself as a World citizen), saying yes –and I do not even talk about the way Indian people nod the head, would be too long- to a question like “will you help us to do the group work? “ will mean that you will do it. In fact, Indian people never say no, they just usually do not do it. But as I see my friend Madhu (pronounce Ta Da, and I mean Ta Da) I would consider it as “these European fellows do not know how to do and manage things” or “anyway we are the next Big Thing”.

For us –please understand the old fashioned occidental people – the most astonishing thing about our Indian counterparts is their internal clock. For our dirty and intelligent minds, Day is used to work, chill out, see friends and all these social, vital or whatever things. On the contrary Night is usually used to do the useless thing on earth: Sleep.

My Indian friends are used to do it the other way. This has raised a lot of debates among a group of European people. Is the world divided into two separate parts where people consider Day and Night differently? Or is it just pure laziness? The second proposition has curiously held the majority of opinions. Or maybe we could include it in the Figin index (the most stupid theory on earth), that will be the real nobel prize winning work… I could all tell you the numerous theories we have settled in our minds concerning this matter but would be uninteresting, so I leave it to your suggestions that I am waiting for in comments.

After that I could speak again about the reactions in front of a big engine car or a small piece of cloth on a big piece of skinned body (a.k.a. a big engine woman)… But I won’t do so in order to avoid troubles with the readers (I know that they are numerous) and the people concerned.

I may forget a lot of things but this is it.

I have however to mention some stupid things that have been written in this blog. First, I have to tell you that Madhu is still considered as being a shitty football player, what we would call in French a lemon cutter i.e. the guy who’s staying on the bench in order not to trouble the real squad. Second, if one day Madhu obtain knighthood, it will be because the King has become an Indian and has invented the laziness Knighthood.

To finish as the blog rules: anyway, whatever.

Ta Da (a.k.a. LC your French servitor)

PS: Please excuse my poor English, French people are more famous for other things.

TIME, the grand illusion

Don't worry. It is not another gay post in which I talk about the things I would be missing or the leaving of the house. I have had enough of that rubbish.

I felt like this blog isn't doing justice to it's core purpose of 'educating' and 'enlightening' the readers and therefore I thought I would remedy the situation with this post.

Guneet, Ikam and me had taken a boat ride from London Bridge to Greenwich (for some unfathomable reason, it is pronounced as Greenich) the other day. GMT. Does it ring a bell? The destination and the journey made us think about the concept of time. Deep discussion resulted in us understanding the logic behind the measurement of time by combining whatever little knowledge we had with some of the tid-bits the guide on the boat announced. Or atleast we thought we did.

Standing on the prime meridian line (0 degrees longitude) at the Royal Observatory of Greenwich, I felt like I found my true calling: 'Study of Time'. My ignorance of longitudes and latitudes till a few minutes earlier wasn't much of a dampener. I am independent of the variable of time and therefore I believe would be able to give an outsider perspective to this enigma.

Among the other intellectual conversations we had, included Guneet contemplating the possibility of changing the positions of the hands of the Great Clock Tower of Westminister (apparently the Big Ben is the name of the bell of the clock and not the tower or the clock). We agreed that the Clock Tower showing the wrong time, would shock and confuse people and it would be great fun.

Also I wondered as to whether all birds could float in water. We were victims of the availability heurestic and watching the sea gulls float around on the Thames, conveniently concluded that all birds could. If anyone knows for sure, do post it in the comments section.

I always felt that I was the laziest thing on Earth and no one could sleep as much as I did, but Ikam shattered my false sense of superiority by mentioning that the koala bear moves like in slow motion and sleeps for around 20 hours in a day. Damn the competition!

This is my last post in London. My next stop is Hyderabad. (Actually not. I have a painful 4 hour stop over at Bangalore, making my total journey time a frightening 15 and a half hours).

Sticking to the topic of time, I gained 5 and a half hours on my arrival to UK, only for the evil 'day light savings' to gobble up an hour and leave me with 4 and a half, which I would be losing on my return to India. It seems like it is a return to status quo for me in every sense of the term. Or is it?

Anyway, whatever.

Remember, Remember

29th of July 2009. Remember, remember the 29th of July 2009.

There are certain things my MDI classmates in London, who have gone back to India are and those who would be doing so in the coming months would be missing. High in that list are the rather generous display of skin and the sexy-looking automobiles, both of which almost always elicited oohs and aahs. Also the clean streets, cleaner air and the cleanest parks were well appreciated. I am not sure if I would really be bothered about these things. But I would certainly miss the London pigeons, my heroes.

Talking about the magnificent species, I must share a particular incident I had the privilege to witness the other day. There were two ladies walking and there was this big, fat pigeon ambling towards them in the opposite direction. The two parties approached the point of collision. And then the most amazing thing happened. The pigeon wouldn't change its course and the two ladies had to step aside and make way for the majestic beast. (Trust me. I am not making this up). I was astounded and at that moment my respect level for the bird soared at a staggering high. Ha. This wasn't plain laziness. This wasn't plain carelessness. This was much more that that. This was outright arrogance and snobbery, bordering on condescension. And this begs the question, I posed in one of my earlier posts regarding Pluto. Does size matter?

I would also miss the references to The Queen. [ Did you know that the national anthem of UK starts with 'God Save The Queen'? And a number of products, including the Ferry dish washing liquid in my kitchen, prominently display the message 'By appointment to Her Majesty, The Queen'. ] Ha. Fascinating, isn't it?

Did I mention that I would also miss the insanely amazing double chocolate chip cookies at Subway, the delightful ducks at Hamstead Heath and the moody London weather.

Boy, am I a becoming a victim of the human emotion of attachment or what? Oh Brilliance, where have thou disappeared?

29th, it finally is. 29th of July 2009 is when I would be flying back to India. 29/7/2009. The jerk in me is making me emphasize the date, as if it were something one would need to take note of. Remember, remember the 29th of July 2009.

For certain reasons I won't go into, I am feeling quite worthless and my misplaced sense of pride and ego is hurt quite bad. So I now resort to my usual coping mechanism of making tall claims to make myself feel better. Here I go.

1) I have become a very skilful and a highly impactful football player now. Not that I was a bad player earlier, but I now play like someone 'who one doesn't get to see everyday'. I think I can get away with this claim. Tushar has only recently learned how to use his email account. It would take him ages to understand the concept of a blog and comment on it. Ikam, please refrain from sharing your opinion on this.

2) The next time I come to this country, it would be for accepting knighthood from The Queen.

So until then, it is a 'Royal' goodbye to the United Kingdom.

Do you think, my second claim is unrealistic? Do you? Do you? Think again. Ha.

I would like to thank my good friend, Chinmay who shared an interesting new dimension on the 'Figin Index'. As a token of my appreciation I shall present you the first copy of my book, "Why the frog shouldn't leave the well", specially autographed by yours truly, Sir Madhu Varma.

Anyway, whatever.

Not ta da. TA DA.

4 and all its GLORY.

525

'525' or 'The House of The Dead' or 'Maison de la Mort' is, as I have mentioned a million times already is where I 'exist' along with my other 3 flatmates. But that won't be true, come the 8th of this month. So I write this post with a heavy heart, extolling the virtues of the place which filled the void left by IDPL (arguably the most uninhabitable place on Earth). I will talk about IDPL in another post. I keep reserving a lot of topics for later posts. The '2+3=5 theory', how I intend to regain my fast-depleting brilliance, the name of my first dog when I shall get one and now IDPL. [To the uninformed, IDPL is my hostel campus during the first semester at MDI, Gurgaon]. I think I shall adress all of them very soon.

THE TRANSFORMATION

I have posted about 'The Nest', 'The Crib', 'The Ghetto' and 'The Madhouse' in an earlier post (refer to the post 'Crib. Me? Come on.' of 23 April 2009 for the details regarding the 4 rooms and the 4 residents), but I never spoke about our kitchen. The kitchen is a completer disaster. If you ever wanted to see a horror show, you should have had a look at our kitchen. Although, that is not the case now. That is because we cleaned it a couple of days back. No, clean is not the right word. We made it 'shine'. It is now spotless and sparkling. I guess I am getting a little carried away but compared to its previous state, you wouldn't blame me for thinking that it now seems like heaven itself. This was possible by the concerted effort of the 4 of us and we are all genuinely and pleasantly surprised at what we have accomplished and truly deserve a pat on our backs.

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

This was how we achieved the 'plutonian' task. Colonel Raaj took the lead. He was in one of his ebullient moods, barking out orders to us. Chadha was uncharacteristically purposeful and did a major part of the cleaning. Tushar's penchant for the to and fro motion was especially helpful with the mopping of the dirt-stained floor. He was the destroyer-in-chief of the kitchen over the 4 months but he more than made up for his 'sins' with his contribution. Seeing the 3 men toil away with such grit and determination, elevated their status in my eyes and I almost had tears. All I had to do was play second fiddle and play a supporting role.

COPING MECHANISMS

Anyway, the point is that we would be leaving the house in a few days. And everyone has been shattered by that fact. Colonel Raaj has been trying to drown his 'melancholy' (the only word I remember from 'Merchant of Venice', which we had in its damn original text for our 10th standard) with JD but to no avail.Therefore he chose to go to the 'liberal' and liberating land of Amsterdam. Chadha is so inconsalable that his mom is coming to London tomorrow to comfort him. And Tushar has gone crazy. He has been trying to keep 'The Ghetto' clean, as if that is going to prevent us from having to leave the house.

MY MISGIVINGS OF 525

The radiator in my room is malfunctioning and as a result my room has been unbearably hot over the past few days. And I continue to burn the food, despite my best efforts. Whatever I do, the food and the cooker get burned almost every single day. It is very mysterious and strange. It is as if, I am cursed. The house in general and 'The Crib' in particular has been a source of deep embarassment for me. I have aplogised to everyone that came to our house over the past 4 months for its shabby state.

WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS

All in all, I would still miss The House of the Dead. And so would the others.

Gulati is moving into a crazy house called 'LadhaLand' to join Sayyam 'Faux Pas' Ladha, Guneet 'Come On' Kwatra and Ikampreet 'The Jewel' Singh. Chadha would continue with his mad ways at his uncle's place in Moor Park. Tushar and me would make the short journey to the house on 591 Finchley Road(The House of the Dead is at 525 Finchley Road). And so it continues.

Follow Ups: 1) The guest poster hasn't had the time to 'grace' my blog. I shall post a hate essay on him if he doesn't do so soon.

2) The blank in 'fill in the blank' of the previous post was to be filled with 'Anyway, whatever'. I guess none of you could be bothered to give the answer, but I would like to think that you didn't get it, since you are, let's say dull.

Anyway, whatever.

ta DA, not TA da!